Today has been one of those days
Today has been one of THOSE days. One of those days were you feel like you’ve been pushed to the edge and fallen off. I’ve been - shouty mama, I’ve been - I can’t cope with one more heavy handed clamber on the back mama, I’ve been - just bloody leave me alone mama and I feel ashamed.
I know better than this but in spite of all my knowledge and desire to be the calm in the storm, I’ve failed miserably today. Today, I was the storm.
What’s more it’s days like this when I really ask myself, how can we do it? How can we parent these little independent, funny, loving, boundary pushing, sweet souls around the world with all of the challenges that will bring? How can we do that, when we can’t even manage to get ourselves out of a cloudy day in our own home with all the familiar comforts that offers? It’s days like this, doubt creeps in and I wonder how can we homeschool these already super smart, full of energy and questions little sponges when I’m wishing it was bedtime at 2pm?
Giles and I are very aware of our flaws and our strengths, we’ve done a lot of work on ourselves individually and together. You may (or for those that know us, may not,) be surprised to know that we are pretty strict parents with a solid routine which we rarely deviate from. Bottom line - we like to be in control! So we know already that this is going to be just one of the challenges of globetrotting as a family.
So with that in mind we have committed to working on this aspect of ourselves because we know of course that it’s not the Cubs, they are just doing what they are designed to do - be uncontrollable! And so together we are using yoga, meditation, therapy, the gym and each other as ways to embrace our feelings about being out of control so that we can fully embrace our inner hippy and share that with our boys in a healthy, balanced and mindful way.
So as I sit here in the quiet with the Cubs soundly sleeping, beating myself up for not being the mama I want to be today, I take a breath and then I remember… Me. I come back to myself. I remember that whilst I strive for perfection, I miss the blindingly obvious, I already have it. Life is perfect, because without the storm there would never be a rainbow.